The Office (alternate)
by Hi it's Amanda
Summary: Cecelia once said she'd rather kill herself than be stuck in an office all day with windows that don't open and practically half dead people who sit in that office for several hours a day.  Jim had even agreed that it was a pretty terrible place to be, he actually said that the job was temporary, right about the time when he got hired and that he was going to quit soon. Andy/OC
Ever since elementary, it was always a problem for Cecelia Halpert to relax and just enjoy her life for what it was at the moment. Even when things were going semi-decent for her, it was like she subconsciously wanted to ruin every precious moment for herself. As her favorite cousin had put it, a tiny, yet loud mouthed man was inside her head and would just 'shit' on every thought that crossed her mind.

But seriously, fuck that tiny man. He needs to move the hell out of her head and find a new head to plop himself in.

Her whole life has been centered around her disorder, it might as well be her face and her body because that's all people saw when they look at her: as the girl who couldn't control her 'potty mouth'.

She wasn't particularly bullied in school, though she was stared at a lot in the beginning, but was eventually ignored and mostly avoided, all except for the teachers and the lunch lady who reminded her of her grandmother. Not to mention the thirty year old janitor whom she slept with on many occasions during her middle school years.

Oh and Jim. Original name: James. But no one calls him that.

Her original name? Cecelia. But everyone calls her Cece.

Don't get her wrong. She hated her cousins, as well as a lot of other things.

They would usually play countless pranks on her everytime she visited even to this day, from drenching her in dirty mop water when she wasn't looking to making her slip and crash into the wall by greasing the floor with olive oil (p.s they wanted to hear the creative stream of curses she would come up with, or rather the little man in her head would come up with). She guessed she started tolerating Jim when he came up to her one day and told her that he had an idea to get revenge on his douchey brothers.

Long story short, as a team, they ended up humiliating those jerks when at a family pool party.

Cece had to steal the underwear from her mom's room.

Jim had to swap Tom and Pete's (cousins) clothes and suits whilst they were changing, with said underwear.

They definitely looked good in her mom's thongs and she could remember it very clearly because she took a healthy amount of pictures that day and of course taped all of them to her mirror.

After that bonding experience, Cecelia and James were inseparable. Even though he was in highschool and she was in middle school, they always found a way to see eachother during lunch (sorry, lonely lunch lady).

He didn't look at her weird when she had her...ticks, and she didn't judge him for having little to no friends in school, because frankly, she could relate. He was awkward, she was aggressive. They somehow fit together.

And get this. He didn't even stop talking to her when the authorities caught wind of her and the janitors unorthodox relationship. It turns out, that it's illegal to have sex with a thirteen old girl when you're thirty... It was probably illegal to have sex with a thirteen year old when you're any age.

It was a big thing with the cops taking him away in front of the whole school, and him declaring his undying love for her as he was dragged into the police car. And the number one spot of her top ten mortifying experiences goes to...

The good news is, no one avoided her anymore although more or less, gawked at as if she was some kind of artifact in a museum.

Jim always looked at her the same, if not a bit concerned for her well being and that's the only opinion she cared about. The bad news is that it was in the newspaper and she was known as the 'potty mouthed whore' around town, 'and' she had to go through therapy, on top of her other therapy sessions for her disorder. By the way, all of these problems followed her all the way to and through highschool. And for the better part of college.

How many times can a person hear stuff like, "if I clean your room like your friend 'Janitor', will you sleep with _me?"_ before a person goes on a killing spree?

Right after high school, Jim was already in a pretty good college (p.s he majored in business) and was on his last year.

She entered into a community college (p.s she majored in partying).

Her 'whore' status was still a factor in her already fucked up life. It was almost like she was famous, and she guessed a lot of people wanted to take turns "riding her train" if that's even a phrase. And her Tourette's only got worse as she got older, _especially_ in college.

The people were way more forward in college.

Long story short, her and Jim both decided to drop out of school at the same time and get jobs in places that varied from selling fast food to selling hardware.

His reasoning: He felt like he wasn't reaching his full potential there or something. Although maybe he should just finished his last year. His parents weren't very happy with him.

Her reasoning: she was failing anyway and would've been kicked out eventually had she not dropped out. Probably wasn't a good idea to sleep with most of her professors and not call them back. Her parents were never happy with her.

Fast forward to present day, Jim is now selling paper at a paper company called Dunder Mifflin. Irony.

Cecelia once said she'd rather kill herself than be stuck in an office all day with windows that don't open and practically half dead people who sit in that office for several hours a day.

Jim had even agreed that it was a pretty terrible place to be, he actually said that the job was temporary, right about the time when he got hired and that he was going to quit soon. Cecelia wasn't particularly sure why he didn't end up doing so.

Maybe he had nowhere else to go, maybe deep down, he liked working there or maybe there was a hot receptionist he totally wanted to bang. And still wants to.

Although she was paraphrasing that part when he admitted to her to this crush on said woman, but she could tell he wanted to.

Ah yes, the famous Pam.

The woman he talked about day in and day out.

The woman he never had the balls to finally confess to.

The woman who is currently engaged. To a man who can totally kick his bony ass.

Ughhh...

Oh and a documentary...thing was being made apparently. Cameras everywhere. It'll be aired in nine years or something. And this fact was making her more nervous by the day... By the hour even.

But Cece was running out of ideas when it came to getting a well-paying job and she can't just let Jim pay for most of the rent every month anymore. Mcdonalds, and it's six dollars an hour, isn't going to cut it. Even when he refrains from telling her certain things, because he's cool like that.

But she can sense that it was getting to him and he was getting frustrated with all these bills.

He specifically said to her that he could recommend her to his boss and maybe pulls some strings so she can work with him at this Dunder Mifflin paper company as an accountant. Despite her disorder and her inability to relax, she was good with numbers. And she worked as a salesman once... A door to door salesmen...Selling vacuumes...

Nevertheless, she had to do something and if this brought money to the table she would have to take him up on his offer, even if she had little hope for the idea.

And at the time, she assumed that a company wouldn't want even _want_ to hire a person like her.

Cece may be good at numbers and at general math, but she wasn't a quiet person and offices were quiet, right? And there's no way a manager in his right mind would hire a girl with no experience in working in companies or working as an accountant for that matter, dropped out of college and has Tourette's syndrome and has a reputation of whoring _and_ is obviously unstable, anyone can probably tell _that_ just by looking at her.

Well, maybe she has a tendency to overestimate people and society

And on top of that, her resume looked like a joke, filled with fast food restaurants with old bosses who didn't particularly like her. It didn't help that she never tells the bosses that she has a tick that makes her curse and say fucked up things out of nowhere so they assume that she's trying to mess with them, or curse them out.

She can't count how many times she was fired on the spot for cursing at a customer.

She would say it wasn't her fault but... She was sick of blaming the stupid little man.

Cece wondered if Jim told his boss about her disorder. She talked to Mr. Scott over the phone once to tell her she was hired and she can conclude that he seemed pretty funny and not uptight. That could bode well for her.

Her cousin had said he was obnoxious but she was no stranger to her own obnoxious self so it wasn't like she could judge, plus, she didn't really notice anything off about him when they talked, but she could chalk that up to her focusing on not losing it and saying "cunt" and "bullshit" over and over and over again for no reason other than to ruin her life.

Besides, she was hired and she started today.

She decided to straighten her hair, to look more professional. She guessed that it wasn't a good idea to show up on her first day with an unruly mop of hair soooo...

"Hey."

" _Fuck-tits!"_

Jim had poked his head into the entrance of the bathroom where she had currently resided, and apparently scared her half to death.

This is how it happened: she nearly jumped three feet in the air by the sudden sound of her cousin's voice, her hand accidentally loosened on the handle of the straightening iron and it slipped through her fingers. And landed on top of her right foot.

" _Sweet bastard-cunt-Balls-"_ the stream of curses continued as she hopped around on one foot.

Being the caring cousin he was, Jim merely stared at her with this stupid wide-eyed expression. "Well that escalated."

"Fuck you!"

"Alright then. I'm gonna wait in the car, why don't you finish up here."

And with that he left, squarely dodging the towel rack she threw at him. The rack hit the wall with a loud crash.

"The burn cream is in the cabinet, top shelf!" Jim informed her as he bounded down the stairs.

" _Fuck you!"_

"Love you too!"

In her irrational and angry state, Cece pounded her fist onto the tooth paste with a loud "Fuck tooth paste!" and it exploded all over the place, including the walls, the mirror, and her new fancy shirt.

" _Oh mother-"_

One can only imagine what the neighbor's thought when they heard a woman cursing and screaming left and right about toiletries that don't work.

...

It was a cold day in Scranton.

Jim sat patiently in his car, with the heater on blast as he waited for his most-likely disgruntled cousin to come outside and plop her self in his car.

He sighed heavily and gripped the wheel and un-gripped it.

He wasn't sure what to expect when it came to Cecelia , and his job-well, _their_ job now, and his co-workers, and what they will think of her and her little... problem. Not that he cared or was embarrassed or anything but he just hoped that they at least keep their opinions (and he knows they'll have some bad ones) to themselves, and not make his cousin's life hell.

She's already been through enough.

As for Cece, he just hoped she didn't lose her cool... Which is probably what she's the most good at. Also, you can't really lose what you never had.

And then there's Micheal... His-their boss, who is difficult to be around and Cece is also difficult to be around, which could mean, oh what's the word he was looking for to describe this? Oh that's right: disaster.

Jim laughed to himself a bit when he heard the front door slam shut, and saw her limp down the walkway towards the car.

Once she pulled open the passenger door she quickly flips him off and gets in her seat. "Jerk."

"It wasn't my intention to scare you, it just ended up happening that way." He said this calmly as he eyed the oversized shirt she was wearing. It was his.

"You meant to scare me, and trigger my Tourette's. And you succeeded, you Asshat."

"Yes, because I really wanted to trigger your Tourette's and have you embarrass me and frankly, your people."

"Shut your ass cunt up!" She twitches uncontrollably a bit.

"We should get going." He pointed to his shirt that was currently on her smaller frame. "And that's not yours so..."

" _Caring is sharing!"_

Jim nodded to himself, genuinely tickled and yet slightly nervous at her behavior this morning.

(In conference room)

"Yes, Cecelia is my cousin. And this is her first day on the job. I just hope everything goes well today... For her. She has weird quirks, I mean, I can deal with it and her..." Jim pauses, and thinks for a moment before continuing, "And her crazy ways. Because I'm used to it. I often forget that other people...aren't." Jim looks off to the side a bit, and sighs slowly and heavily.

(Back to car)

Jim focuses on the road in front of him as he turns the knob to the radio, once he finds a semi decent station he's satisfied with, he stops.

Cece then slaps his away and turns the knob in the opposite direction in a frantic-like way. "You and your shit, taste."

"You're such a child."

"I'm sorry that I don't want to listen to your shit country music. _Cunt."_

 _"_ It's not a proper apology but I'll accept it because you're my cousin and I like you lots."

Cece smiles a bit to herself, in slight relief.

It's as if she's acting a little more antsy-er than usual and that's not good. In fact it could be triggering for his aggressive cousin. Which meant she'll be more impulsive than usual.

At Cece's best? She's actually fun to talk to, and pleasantly insightful.

At Cece's worst? Let's just say, if one wasn't considering suicide before...

...

When Cece and Jim arrived, they were immediately greeted by a pretty red headed woman wt the receptionist 's desk. Cece made the connection that it was indeed, Pam.

"Hey, you must be Cecelia," she puts her hand out to shake, "it's very nice to meet you."

She takes Pam's smaller and paler hand and politely shakes it. A bit too eagerly apparently, considering the woman's whole body moved with each shake.

" _Cece!"_ She greets loudly and twitches a bit at the sight of the receptionist instinctively flinching back at the sound of her suddenly loud voice, "Uh... Call me Cece. It's nice to meet you, Pam." She lowers her voice considerably this time, slightly embarrassed.

The woman smiles at Cece. "You know my name. Jim talks about me?" She looks away from Cece to look pointedly at her cousin, who was peeking at them from behind her, still smiling smugly as she does so.

"Oh, all the time." Cece waves her off with a knowing smile, "In fact, I can't get him to shut the hell up about you. You are just as pretty as he says you are-"

" _Okay_." Jim interrupts as he roughly grabs his cousin's shoulder. It was at this moment that Cece noticed the easy-going smile on Pam's face had gradually disappeared and turned into a tight and awkward expression.

 _Shit._

Jim does damage control. "She's kidding. She's just trying to embarrass me in front of my friends. Just like when we were kids, huh Cece?" He quickly runs his knuckles upon her head to give her a friendly, half-hearted "noogie"; she swats his hand away.

" _F-fuck off."_ She hisses under her breath and twitches slightly, but fortunately, it's almost unnoticeable unless someone pointed out that she was actually doing it.

Pam giggles at the "family moment".

Jim does his classic "Jim smile" at her. "Don't listen to a word she says." He then circles his index finger around, next to his temple, to signify: crazy.

Cecelia couldn't hold it back, they were just so obvious. " _Smitten kitten..."_

Pam turns to look back at her, after her weird outburst. "Uh... Excuse me. I didn't catch-"

" _Smitten kitten... Smitten fucking kitten."_

Cece covers her mouth with the palm of her hand to control herself, feeling flustered suddenly.

The red headed woman's eyes widen _really_ big, in surprise. "Um-"

Jim then grabs his cousin's shoulders and gently removes her hand from the receptionist's hand, that were unnoticeably still joined for some reason. He guide's her away from a train wreck of a first impression.

"I'm just going to a show her around and maybe show her to her new jail cell. I'll be back in a minute." Jim explains calmly and leads her to the break room.

It was at this moment that Cece notices all the cameras.

"Whoa."

There was camera guys everywhere, who were most likely documenting her tiny disaster with meeting the receptionist.

"Yup." Jim adds.

"Uh-wait Jim." Pam calls out to them, yet still being sorta quiet, matching the tone of the equally quiet office. ( _Wish I had that ability, Cece thinks bitterly to herself)_ Jim stops mid way and turns to look at her.

Cece doesn't remember what she said to Jim exactly (something about Micheal wanting to meet with him in his office) she was way too focused on the blatant cameras filming her every move. She stared wide eyed at the particularly big lense, and looked at her hesitant reflection in them.

She remembered signing a contract for allowing herself to be filmed during her time working in Dunder Mifflin but she doesn't remember much. She remembered she was watching a football game on tv and Jim knows that she doesn't pay too much attention to anything else when she was watching football. He did it on purpose. The dick.

Jim moves to whisper in her ear and squeezing her shoulders in reassurance.

"Okay, so I gotta go talk to my boss-uh- _our_ boss, so why don't you just sit in that little nook over there," he points to a corner right next to the receptionist desk, where there laid a cubicle, along with a scowling blonde woman, and pudgy looking man, and a Hispanic looking man, who had about the same skin color as her.

The thing they all had in common? They were all staring at her. In fact, the whole office seemed to be staring at her. Some in curiousity. Some looking to be quite unamused.

"Uh...okay."

"Okay?" He removes her brown jacket for her from behind and gently pats her back. He goes to hang his and her coat up on the coat hanger next to Pam (he of course gives her a smile) and disappears into Mr. Scotts office, closing the door behind him.

Cece stands there, looking to be abandoned and confused as she looks around to glance at the other workers.

Her eyes meet a man with large glasses, who stares back at her, almost surveying her. He scoffs as if unimpressed and looks back at his computer.

(In conference room)

"What do I think of the new girl? Well, firstly, she is of the same bloodline of my arch-enemy. So I already don't like her." Dwight counts off on his fingers, "Secondly, I have a gut feeling that there are some screws loose in her head. Schizophrenia is a very serious decease and should be treated as such. The Shrute family have a keen eye for these things and always trust their "gut instinct". I plan to to make sure she doesn't get near any sharp object that can either harm others or herself with. Mostly others. Plus, her mannerisms remind me of Creed's. I don't like Creed."

(Back to present)

Cece twitches and turns away from the cameras to walk up to where Pam was sitting at her desk. She felt like there were eyes burning holes on her back and that she was being watched closely by these people... And the cameras, "Um... Where do I go again?"

Pam raises her head, with a phone between her cheek and shoulder, she was writing something down on a post-it-note.

She was busy.

"Oh um..." She points over the cubical wall that was to her right.

"Thanks."

Truth was, Cece just wanted to talk with someone to calm her down, and Pam seemed to be the only friendly person there. Too bad she was working. Bleh.

...

(In Micheal Scott's office)

"Alright Jim your quartilies look very good." Micheal Scott begins, as he sits behind his desk. "How are things going at the library?

Jim hunches over a bit on the desk, "Oh I told you, couldn't close it so..."

" _So,_ you've come to the master for guidance?" The man spreads his arms wide, as he refers to himself as the "master"... Of selling paper, apparently.

Jim breathes a small laugh. _Here we go..._ He thinks to himself in dread at Micheal's anticts, that either make him feel awkward or uncomfortable.

The anticipation of these talks, is wondering if this conversation was going to be awkward or was it going to be uncomfortable.

" _Is this what you're saying grasshoppah?"_ The boss adopts a weird accent as he says this.

"Uh actually you asked me in here." Jim interjects. "But yeah..."

The older man suddenly takes a really deep breath and breathes out, and a powerful smell of coffee breath fills the air. "Alright well, let me show ya how it's done- but first! Your cousin... Uh what's her name..." He snaps his fingers a few times as he thinks for the woman's name.

"Cecelia." Jim provides.

"Sara! No, no, it's really Italian... Uh...I wanna say Mario..."

"Nope. Not Mario."

"S.. _ssssally?_ Right? Am I right?"

"Ceceli-"

"Cecelia!" Micheal finally yells, arms spread out. "That's the name."

Jim raises his eyebrows. "Wow, how'd you know?"

The sarcasm was lost on his boss.

"It's my job Jim, it's my job to know insides and outs of these people... _Thats what she said."_ He starts chuckling to himself. "Right?"

"Not really but..."

"So your cousin. The new accountant, eh?"

"Uh, yah." Jim was already getting sick of this conversation but he supposed he should put in a good word for Cece.

"Is she hot?"

The question actually caught Jim off guard and it took him a moment to reply to that...uncomfortable inquiry. "Wow, that's inappropriate. And I'm not going to answer it."

Guess the conversation will both be uncomfortable _and_ awkward.

"Relax, I'm not going to date your cousin, if that's what your afraid of." Micheal looks to the camera that was being pointed at him from the side and gives it a cheesy smile. "She's too young for me anyway."

"Okay." Jim sucks in a breath of air in irritation, "Well I'm not going to partake in _this_ conversation. But what I will do, is say that, you will not be sorry. Cece is really smart and friendly and good with numbers."

"Well, she better be Jim. Because I'm holding you _accountable_ for her." He looks Jim in the eye as he says this, seeming to be dangerously serious, especially for the "all play and no work" Micheal Scott.

Jim suddenly looks a little shaken by this peice of information.

Micheal suddenly laughs. "Get it? Because she's an _accountant! Account_ able, _account_ ant..."

The man across from him breaths a shaky laugh in response.

"But in all seriousness, we are taking a big leap with her. What with her age, and her inexperience. She's worse than the new temp, in that department." He holds up a finger, "but I trust you and I trust your judgment. I know you won't do me wrong."

"Uh thank-"

"That's what she said."

Jim looks to the camera with a deadpan as Micheal laughs.

(Camera interview)

"I've uh... I've been at Dunder Mifflin for twelve years..." Micheal starts, standing in front of a logo, spelling out _Dunder Mifflin. "_ The last four as regional manager."

He walks towards the entrance to the main office, as the camera follows him. "Uh, if you wanna come through here..."

He opens the door to reveal employees making calls, and working diligently.

"Ah, so we have the entire floor," he extends his right arm to motion towards the people working quietly at their desks. "So this is my kingdom, far as the eye can see."

He stalks towards Pam's desk. "Ah, this is our receptionist Pam. **Pam!"** He suddenly bangs on her desk. **"Pam! Pam!"** This is an impression of Bam Bam from the The Flinstones.

Pam just looks uneasy as he does this.

Cece looks on from over the cubical wall, looking exceptionally nosy.

Micheal makes a joke about how Pam used to be really cute when she first started working at Dunder Mifflin. Pam says " _what?"_ And looks uncomfortable. Cece's eyes widen in shock at the comment.

He makes another joke about how when corporate faxes papers to them, it goes in the trash and proceeds to crumble up the paper she gave him, into the trash. Pam continues to look uncomfortable.

He then makes fun of her face and laughs obnoxiously.

Well then.

Cece sits back in her seat and starts working on _work._ Just a bunch of numbers.

Something to do with quartilies. She just had to add a bunch of shit on her cool little calculator she had received.

Seems easy enough. Didn't have to be a math wiz for that.

The other Latino working across from her had told her of what she needed to be doing, since her boss obviously wasn't going to tell her. He was nice. His name was Oscar.

And she only cursed uncontrollably, once while he talked to her. And it was under her breath.

Score.

Cece twitched a little.

After Jim came out of their boss's office he went straight for her and she stood upon his arrival expecting to be taken on a tour, he had then said that he would show her around a little later during his lunch break, he said that there was already a lot of calls he had to make, and that he would introduce her to more people when he wasn't so busy.

She basically nodded in slight disappointment. This meant she also had to do work.

She sat in such a secluded corner next to a huge man who kept narrowing his eyes at her creepily, and giggling to himself. And a woman who seemed to already hate Cece.

Well it's a new record. She didn't say one word to the woman and she was already hated by her. Usually it took two words.

Maybe that's the problem.

Cece sighed and gained enough courage to say something to the small blonde woman adjacent from her and slightly to her left. "Um hi, I'm Cece..." She thought for a moment,, trying to sound as normal as possible, "Uh, I'm looking forward to working beside you-"

"Let me just set up some ground rules, little girl."

Came her cold reply.

 _Uh oh._

Wait, there's more.

"You are not allowed to eat smelly foods in this cubical, say innapropriate things in this cubical, or stir up any drama in this cubical. Follow these rules and I might be able to tolerate you. Do I make myself clear?"

Wow she was going to be in for it, at the "inappropriate things" part.

Cece had to bite her lip in order to keep from triggering her Tourette's, all that came out was weird muffled sounds from her closed mouth. The blonde woman's eyebrows knit in confusion at this. At least it wasn't a scowl this time.

Cece twitched a little violently this time, her head cracking back and forth before she gradually stopped. " _Sorry."_

The woman slid her chair away from her a bit more. Seemingly afraid.

"Um, excuse me."

Cece rushes past Pam, Mr. Scott's office, past Jim (who seemed to have reached out for her wrist when she ran past but she ignored it) and into the _males_ bathroom she went.

Yup. Today was going to be great.

(In conference room)

Pam stares back at the camera.

"The new girl seems really nice, she's Jim's cousin and that's really... _Cool_. I hope we can be really good friends." The redhead pauses and takes a deep breath before continuing. "I... I feel like she may have a little social anxiety but who doesn't on their first day of work right?"

The camera then cuts to a scene of Cece throwing up in the urinal of the men's bathroom.


End file.
